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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22679869">Past and Present</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/pseuds/Caedmon'>Caedmon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>An Ineffable Valentines [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotionally Mature Conversations, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Pillow Talk, Reminiscing, soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 08:26:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,880</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22679869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/pseuds/Caedmon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Aziraphale and Crowley discuss past loves - and how they compare to the love they’ve found together. </p><p> </p><p>For the valentine’s prompt: pillow talk</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>An Ineffable Valentines [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619491</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Ineffable Valentines 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Past and Present</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The light in Aziraphale’s room was low, but Crowley could still see his angel clearly enough. They’d made love a little while ago, a tender coming together, and were currently cuddled under the duvet, basking in the glow of each other. Crowley had never cuddled in his six thousand years of life until five years ago, after the apocalypse was averted and he and Aziraphale began their romantic relationship. But <i>everything</i> was different with Aziraphale. Life was sweeter with his angel by his side.</p><p>They were both lying on their sides, facing each other, Aziraphale’s head resting on Crowley’s extended arm and legs tangled together. Their faces were close, breaths mingling, leaving them free to kiss each other at will with very little effort - which they did frequently. Their free hands were quietly restless, caressing bare skin or sometimes joining with each other, fingers intertwined. It was warm and content, and Crowley loved these moments more than almost anything else. He’d waited six thousand years for this, after all, and he’d never get tired of it.</p><p>“Penny for ‘em,” he asked in a low voice, careful not to break the mood. </p><p>“Are you sure?” Aziraphale replied, piquing Crowley’s interest - and giving him a prickle of concern. </p><p>“I think so. What’s on your mind, angel?”</p><p>“It’s nothing terribly important, just something I was wondering. A thought that’s popped in my head from time to time over the years. It’s silly, really.”</p><p>Crowley stroked his bicep and smiled gently. “Any thought in your head is important to me. Even the silly ones. Tell me.”</p><p>“I was… well, I was just wondering… have you ever been in love before?”</p><p>“Not like this,” he answered at once. </p><p>“But you have? Been in love, that is.”</p><p>Crowley had made up his mind long ago - thousands of years ago - never to lie to his angel. He wasn’t about to start now. So he nodded. “Yes, I’ve loved a few humans. I think it’s probably inevitable, given that we’ve been here living amongst them for so long. Why? Haven’t you?”</p><p>“Well, yes, but I didn’t expect <i>you</i> to have.”</p><p>He gave Aziraphale a lopsided smile. “I live to surprise.”</p><p>The angel’s eyes twinkled in response. “Indeed you do.”</p><p>Crowley pressed a kiss to his lips through his smile, then retreated a bit and rested his head on his pillow. “Tell me about them.”</p><p>Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. “You want to hear about them?”</p><p>“Sure,” he replied with a little shrug. </p><p>“Are you <i>sure</i>? I’m concerned about making you jealous.”</p><p>Crowley smiled again. “I won’t be jealous. The idea of someone else touching you or you loving someone else isn’t entirely pleasant, I admit, but I always figured you’d taken human lovers over the years, the same way I did. I know it’s all in the past and there’s nothing for me to worry about.” He paused and trailed his fingertips down Aziraphale’s beloved, soft cheek. “I’m secure in the knowledge that I love you and you love me, and that nothing can ever come between that.  Besides, I want to know everything about you. I never want you to hold anything back from me. So go on,” he added with a little nudge. “Tell me about one of them. Or all of them.”</p><p>“There haven’t really been that many…”</p><p>“Well, who were you with the longest?”</p><p>“Michaelangelo.”</p><p>Crowley’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “<i>The</i> Michaelangelo?”</p><p>“Yes. I met him when I was traveling through Italy, and we clicked right away. I loved how creative he was, I loved his art and I loved his poetry.”</p><p>“You’ve always been a sucker for a good poem,” Crowley grinned.</p><p>The corner of Aziraphale’s mouth quirked up, but he went on without acknowledging the little joke. “I met him when he was nearing middle age, and already rather famous. We spent a great deal of time together, just two beings enjoying the company of a like-minded person, but it evolved into more. He loved when I would recount my memories from history - although, of course, I didn’t <i>tell</i> him they were memories. I just let him believe that I was extremely well-read.”</p><p>“Well, you <i>are</i> extremely well-read,” Crowley said with more than a hint of pride. </p><p>Aziraphale smiled a little. “I suppose that’s true.”</p><p>Crowley slid his hand down Aziraphale’s bare arm in what he hoped was a soothing, reassuring way. “How long were you with him?”</p><p>“Quite a few years. Twenty, maybe? It’s hard to remember now. He had other lovers, of course, but I was always there in the background.” He gave a shy smile. “He said that I was his muse. He painted or sculpted me several times.”</p><p>The demon grinned. “I posed for sculptors and painters, too. So were you responsible for his great success?”</p><p>“Oh, no. Not at all. I swore to myself never to bless him - or anyone - without a good reason, to let his fate and the fate of others be decided by God and his own actions. And I stuck to that with every human I had a love affair with. Even when it was terribly difficult and I was nearly desperate to intervene. Like at poor Oscar’s trial.”</p><p>“Oscar?”</p><p>“Wilde.”</p><p>“Ah, I should have seen that coming. How did you meet him?”</p><p>“We frequented the same gentlemens’ clubs in the late eighteen hundreds. He was so clever, Crowley, just utterly brilliant. I adored talking with him. He was one of the first humans I’d met in centuries whom I felt like I could learn something from. He was also more than a little romantic.”</p><p>“Oh? Candlelit dinners and so forth?”</p><p>“More like picnics where we sipped wine and discussed poetry and prose. I did so enjoy our conversations.”</p><p>Crowley felt a brief flash of insecurity. “I’m sorry I’m not more interested in those things.”</p><p>“Oh, no, dear, don’t ever think like that,” Aziraphale hastened to reassure him. </p><p>“But you enjoy discussing those things and I don’t.”</p><p>Aziraphale kissed him lightly. “I enjoy talking with you about other things. Things no human could ever understand. No matter how brilliant or clever they are.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Crowley agreed, mollified. </p><p>The angel doodled a little swirl on Crowley’s shoulder with his fingertips, his eyes following the motion. “Would you like to share one with me? Turnabout is fair play, after all.”</p><p>Crowley thought for a minute. While he’d seduced countless humans over the course of six thousand years, he’d only had actual relationships with a handful. All of those brief relationships were vivid in his memory, but who should he talk about?</p><p>Finally, he decided. “I guess the most notable relationship I had was in the late thirteenth, early fourteenth century. I had an affair with a duke - the king’s brother.”</p><p>Aziraphale grinned. “Not the king himself?”</p><p>“Nah, not that ponce. His brother was much more interesting.”</p><p>“Tell me about him.”</p><p>Crowley took a breath and let himself remember. “His name was Alfred. I ran into him when I was skulking around the royal court, looking for trouble to stir up. Have you ever met someone and you knew right away, ‘this one is different?’”</p><p>Aziraphale nodded. “Yes. Most notably, when I met you.”</p><p>“I love you, too,” Crowley responded with a little smile. “It was a bit like that with him. There was some spark about him that I was just drawn to. We had a lovely time together, and I loved him more than I ever loved any human. I was heartbroken when he died, and retired to my bed for decades.”</p><p>“Is that why you always say you hated the fourteenth century?”</p><p>Crowley nodded. “One of the reasons, yes.”</p><p>Aziraphale stroked his arm lovingly. “What happened to him?”</p><p>“The black death. I beat myself up for years and years because I wasn’t there. I could have healed him if I had been. But I had gone to Barcelona on business, to do a temptation of a cardinal. He was fine when I left. When I returned, he’d died just the week before.”</p><p>The angel’s blue eyes sparkled with moisture. “I’m so sorry you lost your beloved.”</p><p>Crowley shrugged away the lingering pain of the memory. “He was human. It was bound to happen sometime. I knew that he’d die eventually, but the timing of it was a surprise. I thought we’d have more years together. He was only forty-six.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Aziraphale agreed, and the two lapsed into silence, immersed in their own thoughts. </p><p>“Know what I remember most about him?” Crowley asked. </p><p>“What’s that, my love?”</p><p>“He reminded me of you,” Crowley said simply.</p><p>Aziraphale smiled. “Really?”</p><p>“Yes, really. He had blond, curly hair and blue eyes, a lot like yours. He was a bit soft, just like you. And he was kind - genuinely kind, without needing a reason to be. Just like you. It was just his nature.” Crowley let his eyes twinkle at his love. “But he could be a bit of a bastard, too. Just like someone I know - who shall remain unnamed.”</p><p>Aziraphale giggled, and Crowley kissed him through another smile. Then he said, “Honestly, when I think on it, every human I had a relationship with reminded me of you, at least some. Every single one of them. I was so in love with you, angel, just so in love with you. For centuries upon centuries. Since at least ancient Greece. But I thought I’d never be able to have you. I couldn’t see any way we could ever be together. I think that love transferred to people who were like you, trying to heal my broken heart.”</p><p>“Did you love them?”</p><p>“Yes, I did. I loved them all in their own ways. But that love was always a substitute for the <i>real</i> love I felt - for you.”</p><p>Aziraphale kissed his lips gently. “I love you, too, dear. And I think I was also trying to fill a void left because I couldn’t have you… although I don't think I realized at the time that was what I was doing. I thought I was just passing the time. If I had realized I’d loved you, I’m not sure I would have taken up with any of them.”</p><p>“I don’t begrudge you any of this, angel. You know that, right?”</p><p>“I know. I just can’t help but feel I was untrue to you, albeit inadvertently. And I was unfair to them, loving them while actually loving you.”</p><p>“None of them ever knew the difference, Aziraphale. I’m sure they were all just grateful for your love. Like I am.”</p><p>Aziraphale smiled. “I’m grateful for your love, too.”</p><p>Crowley kissed his nose. “Good. And I love you, more than I could ever say. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. More than I thought possible. And the wonder of it all is that it seems I’m living just to fall more in love with you every day.”</p><p>The angel caressed his cheek. “I love you, too, dear, and I feel the same way. As much as I cared about all those humans, and as much as I enjoyed my time with them, I’m grateful to be here now, with you, in a relationship that’s more permanent than any of them could ever understand.”</p><p>The demon grinned in response. “It had better be.”</p>
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